Treatise on Valentines Day

I wrote this last year around this time....Still applicable, my friends, still so very applicable. Spread the good word, for I only strive to make this world a happier place.

Dear men—

I do not envy your position this time of year. I am sympathetic to the fact that you are just coming down from a high-stakes Christmas gift-giving season—from which you may or may not have escaped relatively unscathed—and you now feel the heat this Valentine’s Day (and when I say heat, I’m not talking about the passionate flames of love). The holidays, instead of being a celebration, are often veritable pressure cookers for you poor men who adopt “don’t screw up this year” as your mantra. I feel sorry for you, I really do.

That said, there is something you can do about it. A little delving into the female psyche can go far to improve the overall experience of Valentine’s Day. Mind you, after reading this you may still hate the fact that it exists and curse the name of Cupid, but at least you can say you tried your best…and who knows? You just might brighten somebody else’s day.

You see, most women hate this day as much as you do, possibly more. But our reasons for hating it are complicated. We hate it because we want to love it but it never pans out as expected. Then we hate ourselves for having stupid expectations, which in turn makes us wish it would just go away sometimes. A few examples of how we might think:

• Girl A) We’ve been married for 12 years. Yes, we express our love for each other in our daily activities of child-rearing and mutual toleration, and I’m way too realistic to expect diamonds or weekend spa certificates, but a night out without the kids would be nice. That said, a surprise something awesome would just floor me and I, like every other girl, always maintain that secret longing for Cassanova-esque gestures of undying passion. Sigh. But seriously, doing the dishes would make my day. “No gifts” pacts are totally legitimate—but you can show your appreciation in other ways.
  

• Girl B) We’ve been dating for awhile and things are going really well. A thoughtful gesture would melt my heart, because it shows that you know me and are happy where you are. Capitalize on an inside joke, rent that movie we were laughing over the other day, or bring home the ice cream I crave. Flowers and/or chocolates are awesome too, but only if I like flowers and/or chocolates. Finding ways to say you appreciate me and that the magic is still alive will earn you major points. If you’re clueless about anything I like, then, uh…why are you with me? Maybe you should figure that one out and ask my friends/sisters/co-workers what I’m all about in the meantime.
  

• Girl C) We’ve gone out a few times. The connection has been great, but we haven’t crossed that invisible line between “interested” and “couple.” Though we’re not anything established and may still be playing the field a little, it’s obvious that we like each other and enjoying spending time with one another. Yes, a gesture on Valentine’s Day could possibly result in sending a message of affection that exceeds your actual feelings. But the alternative—doing nothing—most definitely sends the opposite message: You don’t care about me and would avoid spending time with me on this most special of special, hateful days, at all costs. Is that the message you want to send? If I were you, I would err on the side of affection. Believe me, acting like February 14th isn’t on your calendar is the worst case scenario. Just do something, anything. A call. A card. Dinner. Even a heartfelt explanation of the awkwardness of the situation and an expression of your desire to keep it casual is preferable to the post-V-day call where we have to pretend we aren’t ticked off when we really are.
  

• Girl D) You have a crush on me. What better way to say it (or to say it anonymously!) than with some sort of surprise? Of course, it’s not necessary. But it’s an excuse, right?
  

In a nutshell, my point is this: All girls are aware of Valentine’s Day. We may love it or hate it, or perhaps some of us are mature enough to remain relatively indifferent to it. But we are aware of it. And you should be too. Don’t give in to the pressure you’ll get from commercials, from your mom, or from scary ex-girlfriend memories—Just be aware that you have an opportunity to share a little bit of how you feel with those in your life who matter, and simple gestures can go a long way. Anyone who expects fireworks each year will probably be disappointed, but most of us are so jaded that even a little effort will blow us out of the water.