Tuesday, July 28, 2009

So I Think I Can Dance

Well, check this one off the list: 5 years of really big talk and not-so-secret longings culminated in one heck of a day this July 24th. As any true pioneer descendent would, I chose to spend Utah's holiday seeking out fame, fortune, and the Hot Tamale Train. I officially auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance, Season 6.

A timeline:
11:00 am -- Lining up

12:00 p.m. -- Spirits are still up. These are the same clothes I wore while running a 10k at 6am that same morning. This turned out to be a really bad idea...

1:00 p.m. -- Sleep?

No way. Not when Cat Deeley is around! For the record, I did see her in person. She's very pretty. No pictures because I was threatened with death if my camera were to make an appearance.

1:30 pm -- Break dance fighting? Stretching? It's a little too early for that. The children are getting restless. We eat granola bars and carrots.

2:00 pm -- DIVA. Yes, her costume includes a tail.

3:00 pm and still waiting outside -- Is this worth it?

4:00 pm -- More waiting inside, still not in the actual theater. Rachel starts warming up. Still too early for that.

5:00, 6:00, 7:00 pm -- Finally get inside the theater and see some amazing dancing. And sort of make friends with this guy:

(Shortly after this picture, I am told to put away camera. And cell phone.)

8:00 pm -- Granola bar and carrots no longer holding us over, we prison break for some food. Share said food with starving hip hop girl behind us.

9:00, 10:00, 11:00 pm-- The lost hours. In a coma of no sleep and no movement for 12 hours. Realize, in a strangely liberating way, that I don't have the heart to be a dancer (you didn't have the feet; I don't have the heart). It becomes clear that I am different than these people. And I am not in fact willing to do this sort of thing ever again because...I'd rather watch fireworks. Or sit by a pool. Or watch dance shows on TV. Heart is what motivates people to do ridiculous, torturous things to advance themselves. Well, that and talent. This realization (and, let's be honest, intense physical discomfort and an impatient nature) makes me suddenly very apathetic to the whole thing. Nervous no longer, I long for my bed.

11:50 pm -- Rachel auditions. Captivates judges and secures only gold advancement ticket* in her whole group! So proud, so proud.

11:51 pm -- After much contemplation, I officially declare myself a "broadway" style dancer...and head backstage.

11:55 pm -- Take the stage with Superman pictured above and 8 other hip hoppers. Make eyes at Pasha and Anya from Season 3. Am denied the chance to audition because very weary British judge forgets I'm there.

11:59 pm -- Remain on stage, this time with a group of contemporary dancers. Continue making eyes so the judges will love me and, ahem, remember that I'm there.

12:00 am -- Saunter to center stage for my Broadway debut....strike a dramatic, saucy pose..."All That Jazz" music starts.....and I blank out. The world may never know what happened in those 30 seconds because they were a blur and a fog and a whirlwind of snapping, prancing about, and undoubtedly several 'huzzah' type moves. I honestly don't remember much of what happened. But it was sure fun!

12:01:55 am -- I am unceremoniously dismissed from the competition (what?! No ticket to Vegas?!) when the yellow ticket train passes me by. I am very relieved, because I'd like to sleep and have a real weekend.

12:05 am -- Mad dash of pure fear-induced adrenaline as I sprint to my car, which is parked by Pioneer Park.

12:15 am -- Arrive home and realize said car was unlocked, by Pioneer Park, for 13 hours. With my purse inside. Shrug it off. Also realize that 6am sweat, followed by 11am - 4pm sweat, followed by 5pm-12am sweat results in severe chaffing, among other things. Gross.

12:30 am -- Shower and fall into bed. The end.

*By way of answering your burning questions, Rachel was called back for tryouts on Sunday, where she did a quick improv dance in front of Mary, Nigel, Mia Michaels, and Cat. She didn't make it past that round, but I'm almost guaranteeing some camera time.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Dear BlogFans:
I know I haven't been good to you. Summer finds me anywhere but in front of a computer if I can help it, so I've been negligent. I ask forgiveness. I also ask a giant favor:

Please help me totally revamp my life.

I'm talking change. Specifically, change in locale. I love Utah, but this itch to go somewhere new has reached fever status and my skin is starting to get all red and welty. So what I need from you is a hook-up. Please call in any resources you have to find me a new situation somewhere. I know the job market is bad. I know the cost of living anywhere awesome is much higher. I DON'T CARE. Operation Get Stef Out of Dodge begins now. Here is my criteria:

1) I must get paid. Or at least break even (I can't afford to go on a humantarian aid thing that costs thousands, sadly).
2) First priority goes to any opportunities out of the country.
3) I'm a little too sensible to pick up and move somewhere without a viable plan. So if you know of a job or internship somewhere, that would fit better than just a friggin sweet place to live.
4) I would like to leave tomorrow. AKA ASAP.
5) I'm a graphic designer, so if you hear of anything in that field, let me know. But I can also do flowers, write, work in the event industry, dance on hit television shows, I'm interested in non-profit companies, and lately I want to become a teacher. I know, what?
6) Um...please don't tell my boss about this post. I'm grateful for my current job, really....

That's pretty much it. So really, if you've heard of anything cool that's available, or if you have contact information for somebody who would know, send it all my way.

And here's a creepy little picture to help you understand how I'm feeling right now: