Why are you not on Facebook?


I answer this question almost daily. I've grown weary of doing so, and even more weary of the inevitable onslaught of explanations about how misguided my abstinence is. As if to say that if I only knew the virtues of social media, I would happily join in and revel in my newfound happiness. 


Well, kids, I've got news for you: Happiness, for me, never did mean unlimited access to information. I don't care how easily I can download pictures from that awesome thing we did 5 minutes ago; I don't care if I suddenly rekindle lukewarm feelings for that person I knew in math class 12 years ago; and I don't care if I don't go to your party because it was a "Facebook" thing. Ok, maybe I care, but I don't take it to mean that I should join your internet club so I can be included. I care because you've obviously forgotten how to actually be friends with people.


Whew. That felt harsh. This is bound to offend, and to that I can only say check your Facebook feelings at the door of this room, my friends. I'm not saying I'm better than people who love it; I'm not saying that there aren't things I would enjoy about it, for I've always liked being included. I'm not even saying that my feelings about this won't change. But I'm saying that I know me, and I know that for now I am better off without all of that. 


That said, I will now wax prophetic! I figured out the next big wave of social media: The anti-social media. I predict that the younger generations will start showing a distaste for all things internet, and will go back to letter writing, telegraphing, and reading books. 


Of this cause I will of course be a champion. Until it gets way too trendy and overwrought, at which point I will embrace Twitter.

In the meantime, I'm still going to ironically blog blog away about my mistrust of the internet. For me, the internet is a confusing love affair. I'm pretty enamored of it most of the time; I hate it for making me need it; I'm always a step behind; I don't understand how it does the things it does; and I am continually surprised and delighted by the little things. Often, while chatting with a friend in another country, I'll catch myself thinking "Wow! I'm talking to someone in ENGLAND!" I hope I can retain that wonder at technology, because it's completely lost on those who grow up with it. Just as we don't appreciated the amazingness of TV or movies because we've always had them, our children will have no patience for our musings about the way things used to be because there is no "used to be" for them.

I'm going to make t-shirts that say "Living in the Past: It's so now!"