2008: Year in Review

One for the Dickens

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Sound familiar? Then you must have been in 9th grade honors English for a week too.

This was a banner year for me and mine. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such high highs, and alternately such low lows—A very dichotomous existence. If I were a stock market, I would close the year and break even….but, thankfully, I think life is a little more favorable as far as what we accumulate. 2008 showed me that my losses can ultimately become gains, if I let them. 2008 provided the setting for that lesson, but I imagine it will take many more years before I can say I’ve learned it.

My theme for 08 was Positive Thinking. How did I do, you ask? Not so awesome all the time. But I definitely made strides in that vein. I think I learned a lot about forgiveness, about perspective, about myself empowered by an awareness of how much my state of mind controls my state of affairs. I gave up resolutions a few years back because they’ve never worked that well for me. Not to disparage anyone’s goal-setting practices, because I definitely think it’s worthwhile, but for me? Not so much. I’m a check-things-off-the-list kind of person, so it’s way too easy for me to put “Service” or “Lose weight” on the list and check it off with relish when I make any sort of progress. It’s apparent that to make any real changes in my life, I instead need to focus on what I want to become more than what I want to do. Doing results in becoming, I know, but I would rather outline who I want to be and then, with that in mind, do things to reach that point. Thus, the setting of themes. It’s a little annoying to never be able to check it off the list, since at the end of the year I don’t imagine I’ll ever be able to say “Ta da—I’m a 100% positive thinker!” or whatever. But themes it will be, until I figure out another way to mold this mortal machine into something better each year.

This year? Live in the Moment.

No, I’m not a proponent of short-sightedness. I like perspective, and I like long-term thinking. This theme isn’t about naiveté or being frivolously present. It’s about being here, now. Being present by not wishing away this time that I have. I love Elder Wirthlin’s last talk, “Come What May, and Love It” because he’s speaking with the wisdom of an aged, completed man. Anybody who has lived through something hard can later look back and see what points should have been handled with less worry, more confidence, deeper faith. A whole lifetime of that, and I imagine things get pretty simple there at the end. One must have a pretty clear picture of what matters: Love, faith and spiritual standing, overall satisfaction/success (however you define it), etc. I can already look back on my short life and see times when I wish I could have just relaxed and enjoyed what I was doing, because it’s so fleeting.

Living in the moment involves awareness. When I am in a situation where I am not distracted by who else is there, what will happen later, how I look/sound/act, or any of the million things that go through my head, I am able to be aware of the things that matter. Church is a great example, since singles' wards are so distracting. I’ve gone and had my eye on some guy, thinking of ways to get noticed, and then I’ll leave disappointed if nothing happens. If, instead, I attend a meeting and just shut off the self-absorption, I'm suddenly opened up to learning things I need to learn...and it helps me identify people who might need help, motivating me to use my time efficiently and effectively.

Another example of this happened on New Year’s Eve. We arrived at a cabin covered in 4+ feet of snow and had to clear our own path to get in. Normally I hate getting to cabins first, because it’s always freezing and there’s a lot to do…so I like to come when everything is all set up nicely for me. I’m so giving, right? Well, this year there was more to do than ever, and for a split second it seemed pretty daunting to even salvage the evening. But then, somehow, I was there in the present, tromping around in snow up to my thighs and falling all over the place and dancing in a snow shower from a snow blower and laughing with everyone at our situation…and everything changed. I now have a memory of an amazing night with beautiful scenery, fun people, and the blessing of safety over and over again for myself and people I love.

Anyway, my idea is to do everything I can to plan for the future, but also do everything I can to see things as they are right now, because right now is when the work is being done. And right now is passing so quickly that I can barely keep up.

I’m curious what everybody else has planned for this year. Goals? Resolutions? Themes? Vacations? Project Rock? Send your ideas my way.

Feels Like Heaven

In my sojourn through life, I've always been intrigued by the hereafter. I'm constantly evaluating which activities I could do every day if I had to, and which ones I hate so much that they would make up my idea of Hell. Of course I know I can't be trusted to define my own Heaven, because I'm impulsive and fickle in the things I love sometimes....but if I were in charge, I'm pretty sure eternity would look like this:



Not this:




There would be activities...



And my friends would be there.




In short, it would be a lovely place. And did I mention it won't be like this?




Or this:



And I'm pretty sure I'll look my very best, physically, and so will my boyfriend.



Sigh. I want to go to there.

La Navidad

Holiday Magic 2008

A dream I've had for awhile was partially realized on Saturday night: I sang karaoke. And I didn't laugh through the whole thing! A co-worker and I sang "Baby It's Cold Outside" at the company party...and it was a smash hit. I think we'll be recording soon. Turns out that song is all about seduction, which makes for fun times in the office.

In other news, I wrote this a week ago or so, and never posted it:
I may be getting a little restless here in the Promised Land of SLC...but sometimes I remember why I love it here. Man, I have the coolest friends. Every single one of my lady friends is beautiful and amazing and even more fun when drunk off a little too much fondue. I try to surround myself with attractive, enjoyable people so that some of those characteristics will rub off on me. I think it will work at some point--all dem boys are bound to see me walking with a bunch of hotties (not knowing most of them are married) and just automatically assume that I must be hot and enjoyable too.. Even if that doesn't work, I get some wicked entertainment out of the company. I woke up very happy today because of that.

And, for the kids, a nice picture of Will Ferrell.



Merry Christmas.

Today my blogging reaches a new realm--Just trying to keep things interesting for all two of you readers....so today we talk about things that actually matter.

Typically, I'm not one to run around, shouting about what I believe. I think that sort of needs to change. Well, I probably won't shout, but I would like people to know what I believe because it matters. Not much that I do in a normal day matters that much, in the long run, except for how I choose to treat people and who I choose to be, on a spiritual level. I'm sad to say that often I come up short on both accounts, but...here's to hoping there's lots of time for me to practice, eh?

So, in short, this is a testimony post. My voice is small, but I know certain things and think they should be heard, even if just by the two of you who read this.

I know there is a God, and He is listening. I've never known it so completely as I do now. I know that He loves me. He finds ways to show me that He loves me, and while I don't always appreciate how it's happening...when I come away with a sure knowledge that I am loved by someone like that, it nearly knocks me over. This knowledge is absolutely central to my life, and I'm just now starting to figure out why.

Being loved is key to human existence. Babies die in orphanages because they don't receive the love they need. Relationships are destroyed when there is even a doubt about the presence of love; We run around our entire lives striving for love, no matter how much we might think we're after different things. Anyone who has been in love knows what a powerful force it is--It is motivating, all-forgiving, and all-sacrificing, when it's pure. And that's just human love. Do we really understand what it means to be divinely loved? It too is motivating. It helps us forgive. It makes us willing to sacrifice many of the worldly, eternally unimportant things. Feeling that love puts everything in perspective, because nothing petty or potentially hurtful can matter when God is holding you in His arms.

I have felt it. I have felt it without knowing why or how He chooses to love what I am. I have felt it when I find it impossible to love myself and impossible to love others. This feeling is helping my life mean something.

There are so many people in this world who don't know this. I am aching with the desire to make it known, because so much hurt and hate could be healed by this knowledge. What a strange state we live in--most of the time we aren't willing to even listen to the answer to all our problems. I know that there are still problems, even with this knowledge--There is hurt and hate and bad days and willful disobedience--but to be able to go through a normal day with a sense of what is important and what isn't makes life pretty amazing.

So that's pretty much it. Simple, right? I believe in a loving Heavenly Father, I believe in the LDS church, and I want other people to believe it too. I don't think that's bad to say that I want others to believe it. I'm selling something pretty amazing, here. Without any of this knowledge, one can still be happy and live a good life. But now I know how much happier and better life can be, and I would love for everybody to know that too.

Red rum

Last night I listened to a mouse we caught in the trap we set for it, and I heard it struggling to set itself free...I even heard it squealing and crying. And then it died. I feel like a murderer.

I actually think mice are kind of cute. I don't think I would feel like a murderer if I listened to a spider die.

Much-delayed pictures

Two dress-up occsasions that I've been meaning to post about: Halloween and the Sub 4 Santa 5k. I love costumes.